My name is Leah Jaques and I am in my final year of my Batchelor’s degree in Film Production at the University of Winchester. The job I hope to pursue in the future is that of producer. But first, I’d like to tell you a little about my passion for film-making and why communicating through the visual arts is such an important method of telling stories.

A degree of difference

In the autumn of 2019, I moved to my new city to begin my degree. Like all new undergraduates, I was nervous but ready for a new challenge and excited by what I might learn over the coming years. But after only one full term of study, the world suddenly
changed.

Mutterings about a few cases of a new and deadly virus which emerged in early February turned into a 7-day average of 2292 cases and a national lockdown by March 24th 2020. The world shook and no-one went unaffected. Students embarking on the first stage of their
academic lives, under pressure to make friends in a new place and to learn the fundamentals of their chosen careers, found themselves isolated from everyone and with little access to essential materials. For those of us undertaking practical courses, the sudden
transition to online learning meant a complete rethink as to how to go about making films without access to the spaces, technology and modes of communication we might normally use.

I confess: at times, I found this situation incredibly frustrating, unfair, and limiting. How was I meant to learn my craft at a distance? Yet looking back now, I can see that the pandemic also taught my class to think creatively about film-making, to find new ways to learn and
create that we might otherwise not have attempted. And, perhaps more importantly, it also reminded us – and the whole world – about why film is such an important part of our lives. Access to visual stories – be that staying up-to-date on the pandemic through news reports or tuning out entirely by binging on Netflix – provided a means for everyone to stay connected during a crisis that has shaped the lives of those who lived through it. Such an experience has reinforced to me the value of film production and taught me how to think more creatively.

A degree of trauma

Two years after I first travelled to Winchester, and at the start of my final year, we finally saw glimmers of an opportunity to move away from Zooming and come back to practical, hands-on learning. Everyone on our course was more than ready. Yet my own world was
about to be rocked once again in a way that saw the global crisis we had all been living through shift into a much more local, but so much more painful and personal one.

In September 2021, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This came as a huge shock to our family – we had no sense that she was so unwell. Over the next few weeks, I struggled to come to terms with this new reality, and to decide whether to continue with
my degree or to stay home with my mum, to spend more time with her and to support my family. But my mum and dad have always been my biggest cheerleaders; my mum’s greatest desire was to live long enough to see me graduate. I returned to university and muddled through what remained of my degree as best I could. In the final two weeks – in the midst of completing my final assessments – I received a phonecall from my Dad telling me I needed to return home. My mum had been admitted to hospice care. Over the next week, I spent as much time as I could by her side. On May 10th , at about 1.24am, my mum passed away. She couldn’t stay any longer.

A degree of hope

My life right now is incredibly raw. I’m writing this bio only three days after my mum’s memorial was held, four days after she would have turned 49. It is hard to find hope right now, hard to find the will to write anything down, or even perhaps to care about my degree,
or films I might have once wanted to produce, or those that have inspired me to pursue a career in this industry. But even though there is a lot of darkness, somewhere I do know that there is also light. My mum needs me to graduate. Getting this assignment done –
getting every painful assignment done – is for her just as much as it is for me.

My degree has, underneath it all, reinforced the passion for film I had when I started and taught me all manner of skills I didn’t have when I first begun. I have discovered an unexpected love for creating animation – something I didn’t anticipate at the start of my
course but which I am showcasing on this site to remind me that it is possible to be surprised even when you think you know what you want to do. The work I conducted on my major project – a film showcased here and entitled After Hours – taught me about the
messy business of making films, be that the long overnights I had to pull, the ridiculous locations I needed to find, or the unexpected jobs I needed to take on to make sure the team could give the project life.

But what I have also really had to learn is about where film making actually comes from. My most precious contribution – showcased here as the film Terminal – documents my mum’s experience of living through the final stages of cancer during the pandemic. It tells her story, but it also tells a little of mine. It tells about the struggles of putting aside your trauma to get
the work done, ignoring what your film is about in order to focus on the practical tasks of making it. Yet, at the same time, it is also about leaning into the trauma, of not being afraid to tell stories that hurt and showcasing that pain for others to see. It is about making our story – my mum’s story, my dad’s story, my story – into something that speaks to everyone. That is the power of film. It is why we need producers and why, eventually, I still have hope that I have the resilience to realise my ambitions.

 

This – for me – is what my degree is about.

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